Do I need to give each other personal space that men should be even stronger than women?
If you read the book of John Gray's "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus", you probably remember a term such as "cave men". place where a man sometimes goes off to recover, to put in order thoughts and feelings, and at the same time to remember how he loves his wife.
What is the "Cave Men" and why do we need men?
does not always look like a cave.Most often, it's a hobby out of home or just a place where he loves to be alone.Of course, we're not talking about the brothels and casinos.Rather, these include fishing with friends, his office and workplace, trips to conferences and events, and even a private room in a house where no one has the right to enter.
When the man a crisis - a crisis of various sizes are constantly us without knocking, - man is important to retire.And to think alone.
What we often do?Let's be honest?We're trying to scratch him out.From the embrace of his cave.Motives can be differen
- him bad!I have to help him!
- And suddenly there he care about me?His friends
- bad influence on him.
- I need to know what he thinks.
And so on.In practice, we are pursuing a man.Sometimes just trying to lure - very quiet and innocent.Sometimes we break in and raise a stink.Sometimes going public at the entrance to the cave, all told him that you can not do.
Harassment is of three kinds :
- physical.For example: "You're not going anywhere!".Or you can just walk behind him, go to him on a fishing trip, make a "surprise", arriving at his conference or arrange a field kitchen on his work.Without his consent
- emotionally.Since we ourselves are treated by negative emotions talking, the man we are trying to feed the same pill."Talk to me!I can see that you feel bad!What happened?Do not be silent.Man is not only soothing, but annoying.
- Moral.Become a perfect wife, that he never even thought without me to go somewhere."How can you, I do everything for you, and you!It's not fair!It is not right!I sacrificed everything for you, and did not go to the concert.And you !!! »
Why we do not want to" release "a man?
Why so unbearable for us to see how a loved one is resting somewhere without us some strange way?There are several reasons, some of them lies in our nature, and some - in our childhood.
- For women, intimacy is very important.This is one of our basic needs. And when there is no intimacy, it becomes very difficult.The problem is that we have decided that a relationship is possible only with her husband.We do not build them with others.And to be precise, we do not pay sufficient attention to women's friendship.And it was the girlfriend can give us so much intimacy, calm the mind a long time.
- We are different.We are solving the problem by talking.And we believe that men have the same structure.Therefore, we try to help them, not taking into account that they are - others.
- Often we just do not know what to do when in the day it will not be there.But what about the ritual watching a movie and a walk before going to bed?Who Wander something?
- terrible loneliness becomes and when a child from us dad was gone.The child does not understand what Dad was gone from my mother, not from him.And all my life repeats after her mother: "Dad left us both."And then the really scary - now he is gone, and suddenly there would be the same as my mother took her dad?
- If you already threw the other men were treason and painful separation, the theme of man's alienation will also be a problem.
- If you ignore the parents, then the temporary neglect of a loved one will also bring you pain.Just as a child.When you all anyway - what can there be love?
- If you do not have a hobby, and vents, which you can take yourself, you too will suffer, but from ignorance, what to do.It is important to remember that interesting happens only with those who are already interested in himself.
B will be with a man, if he is not "let go" of the cave?
- he becomes passive.It is long, drops his enthusiasm for the work.It is not something that is not ready to perform feats, even water can not go.There is simply no motivation.Why is that?Because the only motivation for the men's actions - is the love of a woman (or God).
- He does not feel love for his wife.Because men love a cyclical nature. To understand how he loves his wife, the man needed for her to miss .And this is the best way to update the senses.The woman has a different mechanism - we're always in touch with their feelings, so we are all quite stable.A man needs to think about it.Again and again.At least once a month.To fly on the wings, bored, and move mountains.Remember what mode the Knights lived past.Crusade - on the wings of a favorite with prey - then again a crusade to get back to her, exhausted from love.
- time has not released the man becomes irritable and angry.To re-master himself, he needs to gather his thoughts and feelings, to gather themselves in a heap.And to do this he can only alone in his cave.Sometimes in this cave can be and his friends.But it looks.In fact, it is the collective loneliness.Have you ever seen these fishermen?They rassyadutsya far apart and remain silent throughout the day.For a woman, it seems crazy, and for men - a real vacation.
- He can find uncivilized forms of care.Alcohol, drugs, computer games - it's the same care in the cave, but such care destroys the identity of the men and family relationships.But if he had no other option, there is only so in order not to go crazy.
word, time does not let go of the cave man is not only "uncomfortable", but also destructive. he can break out of the blue to his wife or children.After that, it will start to nibble guilt that will only exacerbate the discomfort.
Why a man wants to be a woman and what to do?
Separation of love gives a special flavor. Joyful taste meeting, when both are missing.And once again ready to see the good in each other.Even if you broke up just one day, when her husband goes to work, in the evening you are waiting for his return.Because bored.
men need and it is important to have a private space and private time. But with the birth of children, we often forget about it.Because we want to help.We are becoming more dependent on - and it is very scary - to be alone.
With the birth of children, we sharpened our childhood traumas.All that we have not lived up to the end, adopted and released.When we panic fear of losing a partner - most likely, we are afraid of losing him as their father (or your mother).
When we begin to demand full care and custody - as if we are trying to replace the spouse of their parents.And so it goes on.It was the birth of the little man starts a chain reaction of our ancestral and childhood memory.When he reaches the age in which we happened something hard - we also becomes difficult.Therefore, we usually have, and this is exacerbated by the desire - to be always together - it was after the birth of children.We are too vulnerable at this point, to stay in this moment alone.But how much we are lost!
Let's talk about yourself and what something to do?Like most crazy not to go and not known for his calls?The options are many:
- Read your favorite book
- 's a movie - you can do this alone
- Make Spring Cleaning
- chat with friends
- friend can invite guests for a couple of days
- Go to the seminaror training
- went to visit his parents
- a massage or beauty salon
- to participate in volunteer projects
- do their hobbies
- Go dancing or drawing lessons
- go shopping and so on.
Indian girls once prepared for family life, telling this parable:
«In the life of every man once a month there are special days when he has to go into the cave.It is his holy duty to fight in this cave with a dragon.This is very dangerous and risky, but it is the duty of every man.
So when you get married, be ready for it.Once a month, your husband will leave his cave, and strained her back from the winner.
In no case did not pursue it.Because even if you track him down and find the cave, and then try to go inside - the dragon will attack you and your flame will burn. "
metaphorical story, because the very dragon - it is simply a manifestation of the worst qualities of man, which can be splashed onto the head of hapless wife.
Therefore let us cherish each other and to be sensitive to our circumstances and needs.Letting go of her husband in the cave, do not forget to take care of yourself!
Many thanks to John Gray and Ruslan Narushevich of knowledge about the nature of male remotely!
Prepared according to the site valyaeva.ru