man and a woman to create a pair - is a system in which each of them is closely interacts with another person for quite a long time.In cases where the family is created, this time often tens of years.Of course, such a system of intensive and almost constant interaction can not be conflicts, disputes and crises.So the question is how to reconcile with a loved one, are concerned not only young, but already quite mature partners.
Learn to put up with a loved one
The completed row - this is not the solution to the conflict, but only a step to ensure that the re-build relationships with partners.In such situations, it is important to know how to make peace with a loved one who is likely to hurt and angry at you.Still, do not try to improve relations immediately after a row - it's only threatens new conflict and an even wider chasm in your relationship - or to delay indefinitely the silence.
hardest part of reconciliation - is to make the first step for the continuation of dialogue an
In a situation where a partner is not willing to put up, and you already like to do this, it is better to wait a bit and give him time to "cool off."Start a conversation on a neutral subject, ask to see an interesting movie together or prepare a delicious dinner with his favorite dishes.
causes of conflict
Since reconcile with a loved one after a fight is not always possible (unfortunately, cases of complete rupture of relations - it is not uncommon inour life), do not start conflicts "from scratch."Of course, mutual claims there are objective reasons.
According to psychologists, a quarrel between a man and woman in the couple most likely to occur because of the unmet needs of the partner.This problem may arise:
- psychosexual incompatibility,
- feeling of disrespect to your partner's sense of dignity,
- lack of positive emotions, caring and affection,
- attachment of one of the partners to the excessive satisfaction of their own needs (for example, most of the financial costsonly on themselves),
- lack of mutual help and understanding (for example, on the distribution of household responsibilities or involvement in child rearing),
- differences in the desires of leisure activities, etc.
Psychologists have identified a number of basic rules of conduct to eliminate from his life serious conflicts:
- try to avoid communicating with your partner phrases, negatively evaluating his identity, criticism of his behavior,but not himself, do not say "always" or "never", "your whole family", "people like you", etc .;
- never make sexual accusations (they are not forgotten);
- try not to accumulate mistakes and wrongs, and react to them immediately, in a calm tone, discussing this or that problem;
- aspire to any joint activities, to pull together the common passion for something positive (sports, art, etc.), but do not criticize each other's faults;
- find in your partner attractive and positive traits, as much as possible and tell him how you like them;
- not talk bad about your partner strangers (even close friends and girlfriends), do not carry a "dirty linen in public";
- not shoulder the problems of all, allowing the partner to go down to the "child level" (life without responsibility for anything);Remember that your partner - an adult and independent person;
- find time to take a break from each other, especially if one of the circle of friends you have is very limited.
We all understand that the unresolved conflict sooner or later backfire constant psychological pressure, difficult or even stalemate.Do not forget that conflicts and prevent proper manifestation of the important partners of feelings and needs of security and trust.However, the resolution of conflicts depends largely on the ability of partners to understand and forgive concede.
So the conflict (row) is still underway.Now, the main thing, as if it did not seem strange to you, avoid it wins.After the victory of one - it is always a defeat of the other, and your partner - not the enemy on the battlefield.Try to stop, stop shouting and make claims.To facilitate the "braking" count to 30 and a few deep breaths.Now try to honestly ask yourself what you really care about - that little thing, because of which you "grappled" or something more important, prevents you normally live with a partner.
When the conflict in the first embodiment try to speak softly, without shouting, carefully choosing his arguments do not show maximalism and categorical.If the partner does not agree with your reasons, give him time to think about your point of view, but not "slam the door" and does not present an ultimatum.
If you - the second option, just try to stop the conflict - approach, hug partner apologize for incontinence, if you started a quarrel, explain that the word partner hurt you, but you still love him and want to maintain good relations,at the same time think about how to make peace with your loved one, not humiliate him.